Maybe I should define first what does crush means: Crush is minat. I have a crush on you means..saya minat kamu. He is my crush means..saya minat dia. Well, since that is clear..lets move on..
All my life, I have had numerous crushes for a lot of reasons. Some are just for fun, some are joint crushes with my friends (also just for fun), some are because of their looks (curly hair, adorable eyes), and some, are for all the wrong reasons (to make someone else jelous, for popularity..you'll be suprised how well this works).
Of all these male homo sapiens, there is one, which i can never forget (I sound very evil here)..There is a guy, which I had totally fell head over heels for. ( I wont tell you who he is! )
I dont know why, I guess it is because of his smile. A simple smile that took my breath away at the first glance. I have done some pretty embarassing things, like watching him from afar for too long until he realises it, walking slowly when he's nearby. Haha. Somebody should have sued me for stalking. Haha.
My adorable puppy liking lasts ...for two years. It took me quite some time to realise, 'hey, this isn't gonna work'. I mean,there are millions of guys in this world, and I just let the chances slip away like running water for a guy that doesn't even take a second glance at me. My love was blind. It was deaf too, since my friends have been telling me exactly the same thing,over and over again.
Alas, I packed up my heart and put it in a suitcase, and I head home. Home is where I, and most of us, belong, and it is a stop for me to wait..and wait...and wait...
and wait...
and wait...
and wait...
for never again a new crush to come along. But true love.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
Confessions of a Broken Friend
I am in a state of confusion now, yes I am.
Things that I think I knew like the back of my hand, now I'm not so sure anymore. Question as simple as "what is friendship to you?" that often I take for granted knocked my off my feet as a series of things happened this week.
Spare the details for the afterlife...it will, be screened to you later...mahsyar, remember? (For those who don't have a clue,hehe forgive me)..
The thing is, these few days were like giant mirrors that constantly reminding me like a broken record, what kind of friend have i been...which is..not much of a friend. I admit it,and I am not proud of it either. In fact, I am ashamed.
In my life, I have sometimes abandoned my friends when they are in need. That was my biggest sin in friendship. I have turned down a couple of meetings for work, exams, and more work. I have sometimes not answered smses, emails, whatever it is, name it, just because I don't think it is important. I have taken friendship lightly as if I am the most important person in the world. At the age of almost-21, I now understand how understand how lonely 'busy' is, and how cruel 'silence' can be.
What is friendship to you? And have you ever think, deeply, how to..simply just BE a friend ? Do you have regrets like I do?
These questions may look silly now, but when god gives you free tickets to watch a rewind of yourself replayed in someone else's body...its not that silly anymore.
Things that I think I knew like the back of my hand, now I'm not so sure anymore. Question as simple as "what is friendship to you?" that often I take for granted knocked my off my feet as a series of things happened this week.
Spare the details for the afterlife...it will, be screened to you later...mahsyar, remember? (For those who don't have a clue,hehe forgive me)..
The thing is, these few days were like giant mirrors that constantly reminding me like a broken record, what kind of friend have i been...which is..not much of a friend. I admit it,and I am not proud of it either. In fact, I am ashamed.
In my life, I have sometimes abandoned my friends when they are in need. That was my biggest sin in friendship. I have turned down a couple of meetings for work, exams, and more work. I have sometimes not answered smses, emails, whatever it is, name it, just because I don't think it is important. I have taken friendship lightly as if I am the most important person in the world. At the age of almost-21, I now understand how understand how lonely 'busy' is, and how cruel 'silence' can be.
What is friendship to you? And have you ever think, deeply, how to..simply just BE a friend ? Do you have regrets like I do?
These questions may look silly now, but when god gives you free tickets to watch a rewind of yourself replayed in someone else's body...its not that silly anymore.
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