Lonely

 It has been a decade since my last post. 

Currently I am 37 years old, and a doctor.

I am on leave, in a foreign land, to accompany my husband, bringing my kids along.

I havent been off work for non- maternity reasons for so very long.

Even when my father passed away, I got only 2 weeks.

Currently I am at wits end for what to do.

I have been working hard my whole life, and I enjoyed working.

Working has been a part of me.

Now I am doing absolutely nothing, and I dont know how to act.

I noticed I dont have a lot of friends, and I dont know how to make them.

I hope I dont get mental health issues for being off work.

Quiet.

Im trying to keep quiet.
Keep quiet from posting lovely thoughts on my twitter about my lovely baby.
Keep quiet from posting my sad thoughts on facebook and twitter too.
Keep quiet from telling my mum how I do not like how she brings up about money when I visit her.
Keep quiet from telling my doctor friends how I do not like to be shoved about work, both good and bad.

But most of all, I love being quiet for the moment.
I love living in the suburbs, and hearing the 'ayam jantan kokok di waktu pagi', the 'katak sumbu' ong ong at night...and how the lovely songs of the birds that chirp in the mornings...
I do not miss my old noisy room in Impiana at all anymore....Beside mrr2. At night people rempit with their big noisy bikes ..
I love having no visitors pop in and out everyday.. I love having solitude with my husband.
We make plans and we dont make plans.

I love quiet.

Keeping A Positive Attitude !

Well, I know I haven't written on this blog for soo long.
Been far too long. Just to recap: Since the last time I had written anything, I went travelling with my husband for a month to New Zealand, came back to Malaysia, and moved from my parent's house in Kuala Lumpur to a small beach town called Kuantan. And I'm 4 months pregnant!
Everything seems rosy but there's a catch: we are both jobless!
And we have been jobless for ...3 months. Our huge savings account is shriking day after day.
And the job that Im applying for, the lowest of all, called "housemanship" ie a junior doctor's job, according to my likewise friends, is a shitty job. Even fit, young women (who are not pregnant neither are they fasting) are crying,sobbing on how hard the job is. My greatest fear is that I will be called during fasting month.

Well, as you can see, this is a shitty situation of a life. But what am I to do?

I think and I think, and I worry and I worry and you know what???

I decided that I am NOT going to feel sorry about myself. Ever again. From now on until I die.
Do u know its tiring to be negative? And it gets you nowhere! But make us feeling more misrable.

Day in day out  I surf the net , (twitter, facebook) and all I see is people complaining. Complaining about how hard their job is, how hard life is, how difficult it is. But few of us really take the time to stop and think positively about our situation.

Lets say in my situation:

My husband and I have only 1 car and we cant even afford to think of buying another until next year. Buying a house? Cant even see the horizon.
Positive: We dont have a cent of debt. We dont even have a credit card! We still have some savings and we work at the same place! Yay. 

Housemanship is a shitty job. Will have to stand 12 hours a day. Will be scolded "stupid, asshole" and mistreated. Might not have the time to eat and have enough rest for my little one.Positive: I will be paid close to 5K every month. That is enough money to support my husband and I, and our baby, without dipping more into our savings account. I will find time to eat. I will find time to sit. I will stand up for myself and not let people mistreat me. I will excel and do my best. I will not make excuses. And I will stay away from negative people. I have a wonderful supportive husband who loves me.


I will be scolded for being pregnant during housemanship.

Positive: So what if I am pregnant? I love being pregnant. Its tiring but there is someone growing inside you. A stranger who will love you unconditionally, someone whom you've never met! And some people take years just to get pregnant. 

The Daily Escape

Suddenly due to the vast information technology (twitter, facebook, whatsapp) I know too much about everyone. Even itsy bitsy girtty detail.

I like a bit of gossip everyday. I mean, I am, a girl.....

But suddenly to know too much about everyone is actually suffocating, sometimes.

So, I'm going to the beach today.

And hopefully my husband is taking me to the zoo tomorrow! :)

Some pics from my old camera: 

my favourite pastime when jogging: kumpul biji saga

pokok buluh: so serene 

a picture of my young eyes at 21. now already got wrinkles a bit! oh no. scary kan

from our trip to jordan

May you have a  good weekend ahead. And not too much gossip. :)

How to bake a carrot cake for dummies

Baking carrot cake is really simple, and it gets easier if you are really hungry and hankering for one.

This is a no-fail recipe, taken from my mother in-law's cookbook.

For those who never could bake, this..is THE carrot cake recipe for you!

WARNING :
This recipe makes a HUGE cake (picture below). I usually use half of the ingredients and it makes a medium-sized cake.

Numero uno, kitchen appliances, must-haves:

1) standard measuring cups (preferably plastics , because they are just cheaper). Mine is not this nice, mine is just white, and i was too lazy to take a picture of measuring cups!

measuring cups

2) a mixer and a big bowl
This is my mixer! love it. Sunbeam.. and since its just hand-held its kinda cheap..compared to the one with the bowl attached.

mixer

3) A convection oven. Or a microwave with a convection oven. Whatever. Just don't microwave  the batter ok?

So, lets get to work ! Now, get your shopping baskets and get ready to shop for ingredients.

FOR CAKE:

2 cups all - purpose (plain) flour
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

That is what shredded carrot looks like

4 cups finely shredded carrot
1 cup cooking oil
4 eggs

Optional:
can add 1/2 cup raisins or chopped nuts, if you want.

1) In a bowl, combine everything and beat with electric mixer.

Just throw everything in there and brrrrrrr

2) Pour into greased pan (ie. a pan which you grease with butter all over)
3) Preheat oven to 180 degrees  and bake for 35 minutes til a toothpick inserted near the centres come out clean.

Philly cream cheese

4) Remove cake from pan.

CREAM CHEESE FROSTING

2 of 3- ounce packages cream cheese
(If you use this type of cheese, just use the whole packet. Or if u want to be exact, use 3/4)

1/2 cup softened butter
2 teaspoon vanilla
4- 4 1/2 cups icing sugar (sifted)

1) In a bowl beat together cream cheese, butter, and vanilla til light and fluffy
2) Gradually add 2 cups powdered sugar, beating well.
3) Add in enough remaining sugar gradually to make frosting the right consistency.
4) Cover the cake with the topping you made.

Ta - da!

Happy 27th Birthday to my husband, Afif : )

'Selamat mencuba !! ' :)

Whatever will be, will be :D

Ever woke up one day and suddenly realised,

It's another year, and it feels like just a day. Another birthday, another wrinkle. Did I do all the things I promised to do at the midnight of the new year? 

me birthday

Well, since my birthday is catching up, lets review a list that I did wayy back in 2008 right in this blog, titled, "things to do before I turn 25."  (refer here)

1. NOT get married.  - haha. this one's a sucker. How would I know.

2. Finish med school.  - yeay!! So happy to say that I didn't have to repeat any year of my med school (thank god).. And I'll be done in 2 weeks! Can you believe it? Neither can I! Please start calling me doc Irma okay after this. hahaha just kidding.

3. Ride rollercoasters with my eyes open all the time - Yes! One time!!! Wohoo!

4.Bungee jump - Nope. Not yet. Never. I learned last year that it could cause retinal detachment! And also, yeah, you could die if the rope snaps. I'm scared of heights. Why is this on the list again?

 5.Travel to a foreign country with friends - I cheated on this one. Went to Australia with my husband. :P

me husband afif

6, 7 : Yes, yes.  and 8, 9, 10, 11 : No No No. 14, 15: I'll figure out one day <3

12. Make my own icecream 
I have two months to my birthday, so I can still make it, hopefully
p/s : I just found the ice cream recipe (without using icecream maker) here !
For those who are interested, lets make em together ! :D

13 . have a peek at the stars thru a telescope
Such a beautiful thought. I really should do this.
I know there is one planetarium at Uni of South Australia (UniSA)!  I'm not sure if they have a telescope (or is it a common knowledge that a planetarium has a telescope ? -- i have no idea. But I'll definitely call them up and see.

taken at brighton beach

So.  
I completed only a quater of this list.
But I'm not disappointed at all, because while I didn't do things that I thought it was important for me 3 years ago, I did some pretty amazing things (and also non-amazing things) that are not on the list.

Reflecting back, I think writing a to- do list is like planning a trip on a tiny raft with a sail on a windy day. You generally know where the wind is blowing on the start of the trip, but have no idea where is it taking you.

I'll definitely write another list again in the future.

Would you? :)

Lorong Titiwangsa 9, Taman Tasik Titiwangsa, KL. 1992